As has probably been obvious for some years now, I am no longer maintaining this blog. In truth, it has served its purpose for me – that is, as a prolonged post-accident writing exercise that restored confidence in my mental faculties, and also as a way to chronicle my experiences in a format that could perhaps be helpful to others that are in similarly choppy waters.
No further updates will follow this post, although I plan to leave IAM exactly as you see it now – broken links and all.
My reasons for doing so are various – pride, sentimental attachment, and macabre reflection all come to mind – but I think the biggest, most substantive reason is to serve as a reminder of how important it is to never let up, regardless of how hard something is.
I'm largely reassembled now, but I still have issues. Some of those issues will be with me until the day I die, while there are others that I still have hopes of rectifying in the coming months or years – a familiar line, I know, but a sustaining one nonetheless.
I struggle even now, as I write this, with deciding what this blog's final words should be. You can find pithy maxims in earlier posts – and some even of my own devising, huzzah! – but ending in that fashion feels wrong to me. Instead, I leave you with this final rant and a submission of mine from several years back:
Life is hard, and frequently far harder than it should be. Misfortune rarely checks the ledgers to determine if the person whose day it is about to ruin in any way "deserves" such a fate, much like Lady Luck frequently dispenses her boons in a fashion that is anything but equitable. But I ask, so fucking what?
How it didn't or shouldn't have happened isn't the operative issue here. Instead, the only question actually worth asking and answering is, "what will you do now?"
Everyone copes with adversity in different ways, and my place is not to instill in you the "right" or "correct" means of doing so. But I implore you: whether for yourself, your loved ones, or even the causes and ideologies that animate you, dig deep and figure out the answer to that question for yourself
This I believe.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Thursday, January 29, 2009
On Self-Worth
When attempting to tackle a concept as large and unwieldy as the human condition, one cannot overstate the importance of adequately defining terms and rendering the discussion in as discrete and manageable a fashion as possible. But while that may sound simple enough, such points of interest are by definition broad as well as highly integrative, and attempting to more fully and precisely explain them is understandably problematic. Still, ‘difficult’ tasks should not be mistaken for ‘impossible’ ones, as the component pieces of even the most cumbersomely complex and abstract of wholes remain susceptible to more rigorous and definite forms of examination.
With all that said, this in no way contends that the totality of human experience somehow lends itself to pithy encapsulation. It is clearly not some type of perfectly reducible phenomenon, and treating it as such is an excellent way to spin one's introspective wheels. However, that fact does not preclude more selective scrutiny, even when such quasi-philosophical examinations remain incapable of meeting the rigidly empirical burden of proof demanded from the hard(er) sciences. In both academic and practical terms, teasing apart and elucidating the intricacies of the greater conceptual whole can oftentimes help to demystify the sum of its parts.
So, why all the exposition? On the one hand, I rather enjoy thinking about and discussing these kinds of things, and writing is a helpful way of ordering my thoughts. It also seemed as though some explanatory groundwork ought to be laid before launching into any terribly ambitious (series of) musings, and the above will perhaps also provide some justification for my piecemeal approach to assessment (the incremental nature of all blogging notwithstanding). Still, the purpose of this post is not to sing the praises of reductionist reasoning, although I'm clearly a fan; rather, the preceding serves as something of an overwrought segue to discussing this post's namesake subject: self-worth.
The way we conceive of ourselves reverberates in our every perception as well as action, and those valuations invariably embolden or constrain us accordingly. These self-assessing interplays are dynamic as well as self-sustaining--e.g., we're told that confidence begets greater confidence just as much as insecurity is a festering psycho-emotional wound that will only worsen if left untreated. Yet, even the example of confidence (or the lack thereof) remains a direct outgrowth of the value we place upon ourselves, both in a generalized as well as domain-specific sense, and improving upon that appraisal's many offshoots necessitates a more foundational type of attention.
The mere idea of such self-service at any level initially possesses a decidedly ambiguous quality, and working to genuinely recast one's own self-image in a more positive and enabling light promises to be even more so. This is particularly true for those who are disinclined towards what may tend to be seen as undue self-aggrandizement or even outright egotism, and for the "hopelessly modest" amongst us--of which I consider myself to be a card-carrying member--doing so in an even limited sense often feels awkward or disingenuous (or worse). Now, this is not to be confused with actively deluding oneself, which is at best a stop-gap solution to an essentially systemic problem. Other, less delusory forms of self-talk are clearly effective (and even warranted) under certain circumstances, but they too must be firmly grounded in reality to be healthy and of any lasting benefit.
The question then becomes of what practical use any of the above really is, particularly since much of it surely appears to be little more than a vacuous rehashing of "pop self-help." Acknowledging the need to shore up one's self-image is certainly nothing new, and the many benefits to doing so are equally evident. But the "how" of the process seems much more elusive, and while I imagine that this too is far from wholly original, one possible remedy lies in the aforementioned piecemeal approach to self-examination: identify that which is "quintessentially you"--i.e., those constructively unique traits that meaningfully distinguish you from others--and work from there. This is not an excuse to indulge in banal comparisons or otherwise exacerbate prior inclinations towards self-deprecation; instead, identify at least one or two things that really set you apart from the crowd and then proceed to revel in them.
Exactly what these things are is largely unimportant, so long as they are personally significant. Literally anything from more conventional fandoms to the weirdest, most endearing and idiosyncratic minutia is fair game: it could be a flair for Italian cooking, a love of board games, an affinity for Bach, or whatever else. This kind of authentic and uncompromising "celebration of self" can then serve as an anchor of sorts--an entirely different kind of foundation to build upon, if you will--since any such attempts at personal elevation are doomed to fail if we cannot truly and unabashedly enjoy those things which most centrally define us.
Perhaps this suggestion appears facile or even cliché at first blush, but I think it has considerable pragmatic value. Zeroing in on these kinds of things in particular allows for a more honest assessment of what one actually values and enjoys, but at the same time it also displaces many of the self-deprecating tendencies that promote and then sustain poor self-image. I apologize to any whom I unknowingly plagiarize in saying this, but to truly value each other we must first value ourselves. This is neither conceit nor narcissistic preoccupation, but it is an acknowledgment that we are all exceptional in myriad ways, and only a recognition and genuine appreciation of those qualities can serve as a stable basis for one's professional as well as personal pursuits.
With all that said, this in no way contends that the totality of human experience somehow lends itself to pithy encapsulation. It is clearly not some type of perfectly reducible phenomenon, and treating it as such is an excellent way to spin one's introspective wheels. However, that fact does not preclude more selective scrutiny, even when such quasi-philosophical examinations remain incapable of meeting the rigidly empirical burden of proof demanded from the hard(er) sciences. In both academic and practical terms, teasing apart and elucidating the intricacies of the greater conceptual whole can oftentimes help to demystify the sum of its parts.
So, why all the exposition? On the one hand, I rather enjoy thinking about and discussing these kinds of things, and writing is a helpful way of ordering my thoughts. It also seemed as though some explanatory groundwork ought to be laid before launching into any terribly ambitious (series of) musings, and the above will perhaps also provide some justification for my piecemeal approach to assessment (the incremental nature of all blogging notwithstanding). Still, the purpose of this post is not to sing the praises of reductionist reasoning, although I'm clearly a fan; rather, the preceding serves as something of an overwrought segue to discussing this post's namesake subject: self-worth.
The way we conceive of ourselves reverberates in our every perception as well as action, and those valuations invariably embolden or constrain us accordingly. These self-assessing interplays are dynamic as well as self-sustaining--e.g., we're told that confidence begets greater confidence just as much as insecurity is a festering psycho-emotional wound that will only worsen if left untreated. Yet, even the example of confidence (or the lack thereof) remains a direct outgrowth of the value we place upon ourselves, both in a generalized as well as domain-specific sense, and improving upon that appraisal's many offshoots necessitates a more foundational type of attention.
The mere idea of such self-service at any level initially possesses a decidedly ambiguous quality, and working to genuinely recast one's own self-image in a more positive and enabling light promises to be even more so. This is particularly true for those who are disinclined towards what may tend to be seen as undue self-aggrandizement or even outright egotism, and for the "hopelessly modest" amongst us--of which I consider myself to be a card-carrying member--doing so in an even limited sense often feels awkward or disingenuous (or worse). Now, this is not to be confused with actively deluding oneself, which is at best a stop-gap solution to an essentially systemic problem. Other, less delusory forms of self-talk are clearly effective (and even warranted) under certain circumstances, but they too must be firmly grounded in reality to be healthy and of any lasting benefit.
The question then becomes of what practical use any of the above really is, particularly since much of it surely appears to be little more than a vacuous rehashing of "pop self-help." Acknowledging the need to shore up one's self-image is certainly nothing new, and the many benefits to doing so are equally evident. But the "how" of the process seems much more elusive, and while I imagine that this too is far from wholly original, one possible remedy lies in the aforementioned piecemeal approach to self-examination: identify that which is "quintessentially you"--i.e., those constructively unique traits that meaningfully distinguish you from others--and work from there. This is not an excuse to indulge in banal comparisons or otherwise exacerbate prior inclinations towards self-deprecation; instead, identify at least one or two things that really set you apart from the crowd and then proceed to revel in them.
Exactly what these things are is largely unimportant, so long as they are personally significant. Literally anything from more conventional fandoms to the weirdest, most endearing and idiosyncratic minutia is fair game: it could be a flair for Italian cooking, a love of board games, an affinity for Bach, or whatever else. This kind of authentic and uncompromising "celebration of self" can then serve as an anchor of sorts--an entirely different kind of foundation to build upon, if you will--since any such attempts at personal elevation are doomed to fail if we cannot truly and unabashedly enjoy those things which most centrally define us.
Perhaps this suggestion appears facile or even cliché at first blush, but I think it has considerable pragmatic value. Zeroing in on these kinds of things in particular allows for a more honest assessment of what one actually values and enjoys, but at the same time it also displaces many of the self-deprecating tendencies that promote and then sustain poor self-image. I apologize to any whom I unknowingly plagiarize in saying this, but to truly value each other we must first value ourselves. This is neither conceit nor narcissistic preoccupation, but it is an acknowledgment that we are all exceptional in myriad ways, and only a recognition and genuine appreciation of those qualities can serve as a stable basis for one's professional as well as personal pursuits.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Openings Links in New Windows/Tabs
To round out tonight's entirely unrelated pair of postings, this primer helped me restore all of my Noteworthy Links to their classic template behavior, which was to open in new windows or tabs when clicked. Admittedly, this is far removed from my usual blogging fare, but it took me long enough to find this info that I may as well do my part to spread the word.
Also, if you're doing everything exactly right but keep getting an error when trying to preview or save your template, try to make the changes in IE. Although I make such a recommendation very reluctantly, this particular build (3.05) of Firefox may be just a bit touchy. Get in, get out, and get back to your non-Microsoft browser of choice--go go go!
Also, if you're doing everything exactly right but keep getting an error when trying to preview or save your template, try to make the changes in IE. Although I make such a recommendation very reluctantly, this particular build (3.05) of Firefox may be just a bit touchy. Get in, get out, and get back to your non-Microsoft browser of choice--go go go!
A Humorous Aside...
I've got something of a dark sense of humor under even the best of circumstances, so I couldn't resist picking one of these shirts up after spotting them through ArmsControlWonk. To quote Woot's delicious geekiness at some length...
Baby’s Got An Atom Bomb
First of all, no one even really cared about making one until that kid who used to live on the other end of the street sent all his friends to knock over our snowman. You can’t just let that go. We took some time to mourn, sure, but then we got right to work. While our ground troops did their part, our best minds went to work to create a new idea that could decisively end the conflict once and for all.
In hindsight, everyone can wonder if it was moral, but there was no question in our minds then. Thousands of snowballs were saved by our actions, and we forced a complete surrender. We were the kings of the block, no question. But secrets have a way of getting out.
People say all this buildup is for nothing and that we should put that money towards social programs to put carrot noses back on snowmen. And no one is going to say carrot noses aren’t important. But maybe there’s a bigger picture here. Maybe it’s time to worry about what’s best for the Arctic Skeleton Empire as a whole.
***
This shirt was designed by: Steven Lefcourt, who swears to you that he did not trace this image from a photo of some broccoli. Go on, gif it up and check.
Wear this shirt: in winter, of course. Immunity to cold.
Don’t wear this shirt: around clerics of equal or higher level. And some paladins, right? It’s been a while since we played, we might need to look this stuff up.
This shirt tells the world: “There will always be a need for mittens. No matter what.”
We call this color: Wight
In any case, some nerdy post-apocalyptic cheer seems like precisely the right way to ring in the New Year.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Unintended Neglect...
Although I have no delusions regarding the size of my readership, I actually did have several updates slated for the past couple months that never quite came to fruition. Needless to say, my final semester's gamut of paper-writing was far more labor intensive than expected, but I'll try to get back on the rhetorical wagon within the next few weeks. (In case anyone is wondering, a recent Blogger update ate my original template for breakfast, but I'll just leave the formatting as-is in the event that anyone is browsing at 800x600.)
Otherwise, I'm pushing the prospect of grad school to the back burner for now and looking for a job locally. My first (and ideal) avenue of pursuit will actually be with the university I just graduated from, likely in some type of technical and/or office support role, which would eventually serve as an excellent springboard for jumping back into the academic grind in a logistical as well as financial sense (go-go tuition waivers for full-time employees). So, if I don't post again prior to the holiday, be safe and enjoy the three Gs: good food, good times, and good company.
Otherwise, I'm pushing the prospect of grad school to the back burner for now and looking for a job locally. My first (and ideal) avenue of pursuit will actually be with the university I just graduated from, likely in some type of technical and/or office support role, which would eventually serve as an excellent springboard for jumping back into the academic grind in a logistical as well as financial sense (go-go tuition waivers for full-time employees). So, if I don't post again prior to the holiday, be safe and enjoy the three Gs: good food, good times, and good company.
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